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Spoilers abound, so stop now if you don’t want to know!

It’s back and with a vengeance!!! After last season’s exciting and suspenseful finale, we got a taste of what our housewives were like 5 years in the future. Brie was a Martha Stewart-like cooking personality, Gabi was looking kind of rough and had two children, Lynette was frustrated with her twins who were now juvenile delinquents, Catherine was happy for her newly-engaged “daughter,” and Susan was mackin’ with someone other than Mike Delfino.

Well, tonight we got to see a little bit of how they got there. The show opened with a bang as usual, depicting a violent car crash that [you think] leaves Susan alive mourning over Mike’s dead body. The rest of the episode dealt with her having a fling with a DOUCHEY looking house painter, with us, the audience, thinking all the while she won’t let herself have a relationship with him because she feels responsible for Mike’s death. Little do we know, Mike actually isn’t dead but the mother and child in the other car DID die. Apparently Susan was angry with Mike for not having the car in good working condition, and he got fed up with her and left her. I’m assuming she won’t let this douchey painter into her heart because she’s still in love with Mike. I’m also guessing we will spend the rest of this season watching them slowly get back together. Again. Hooray! [Note the sarcasm].

Gabi had a fantastic storyline that dealt with her overweight 4 year old (which how old is that child really, by the way) and Gabi’s efforts to encourage her weight loss. I really loved the “game” she played with her, driving forward to force Juanita to chase after her car. It was pretty funny, but also probably bought little Juanita (and possibly the actress portraying her) some time on the couch. In the end, we find out (shocker) that much of her obsession with Juanita’s weight is due to self-image problems Gabi has with her new physique. Awww

Lynette’s twins opened a casino in the pizza place and Tom was no help in reigning in their bad behavior, lifting their punishment and allowing them to go to the homecoming dance after all. He clearly is going through a mid-life crisis, because the twins’ “coolness” makes him not be a parent towards them and also he’s obsessed with this classic car he restored. Lynette retaliated by giving the twins the keys to his precious precious car to drive to the dance, and Tom totally came up to the plate as usual and punished them when they missed their curfew. Typical nice Sciavo storyline.

Brie was readying a cookbook for publication, and much to the dismay of her catering partner Catherine, ONLY Brie’s name was listed as the author of this cookbook filled with both of their recipes. They bickered the entire episode and they left it that way too, which kind of annoyed me because their friendship was a really fun part of the show in the past, and something that I was looking forward to being more the norm after last season’s finale. I guess we’ll see, eh?

The big mystery this season is with the infamous Edie Britt, who’s back in town with a super freaky husband, who apparently was charged with something that he had to go into anger [or something] therapy for. We left the episode knowing that he was supposed to be in contact with his doctor once a month and taking pills for his condition, and with the distinct suspicion that he is out to get somebody on Wisteria Lane, but who? Well my dear friends, we have a whole season left to figure THAT out.

I was overall pretty pleased with the episode. I really think they are taking the housewives to new, interesting and [mostly] unexpected places, which is really what a like this needs for a 5th season. Gabi’s plot was pretty hilarious. Tom may have a lot of wimpy moments, but he always comes through in the end, and that’s really nice to watch. Brie’s story was a little disheartening but I’m sure they’ll come around in the end there, too.

My big gripe is Susan. Are we really going to spend ANOTHER season of her and Mike playing hard to get? Isn’t that what the last 4 seasons were? I mean REALLY Marc Cherry, what are you thinking?

Regardless, the other housewives will I’m sure have lots of excellent plots this season to cover up any deficiency with Susan. I can’t wait for next Sunday!

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